


Maybe Today

by Seraphym



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14407338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraphym/pseuds/Seraphym
Summary: Short drabble of self-indulgent musings on the angst as my Cadash and Blackwall wrestle with their growing feelings for each other even as Blackwall is gripped in the stranglehold of his past. Possible triggers, please note tags.





	Maybe Today

It’s how she sees him, always. The lone figure, immovable in his will, adamant in his principles, resolute in his loyalty to what is right and good amidst the raging chaos around them. If The Grey Wardens are the best of those men and women who would see their life become meaningful in the end, then he is the _best_ of them.

He knows it. He knows how she sees him. When she looks at him he can see it so clearly in her eyes it takes the breath from him. _Maker_ , what he wouldn’t give. What he wouldn’t give to have earned that look. To _be_ who it was she saw. The guilt drove him to his knees some nights. The regrets wracked him and choked his sleep until he woke up gasping, sweat and tears stinging his eyes. Maker. _Maker_ , he prays. _Is there nothing but this? Is there no way to atone?_

_Because I can’t... can’t keep..._ He wonders when the day will come that he finally finishes that sentence. Finishes it all. Maybe today. 

It’s how she sees him, every morning. The gaunt hollows a little sharper. The beautiful mouth drawn a little tighter. The shadows... she couldn’t tell if they were around his eyes or _in_ them. Both, she supposed. His eyes met hers and the sorrow in them closes up her throat. Stone. _Stone_ , she prays. _Is there nothing for him? No way for a lost man to find his way home?_

_Because I can’t... can’t keep it from him... can’t keep from telling him... I think I love him._ She wonders when she will be able to start that sentence. To say it to his face and begin it all. Maybe today.

He looked up into deep green eyes and his heart thudded. Sometimes it looked like she already knew... understood... _Forgave_. And it closes up his throat. He allowed a flash of the feeling it would give him to have her absolution. To have a future. To have _her_. If the dreams, the visions of what could have been, _what might still be, his heart whispers_ , were the only things that stayed his hand from the dagger in his bed, then _she_ was the best of them. He sighed, a deep clawing breath that lived somewhere between wild hope and killing despair.

All right. One more day.


End file.
